Why Staying At Home Is (Sometimes) Better Than Working

by Kate on April 1, 2011

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Ahhh, got your attention now! As a stay at home mom, let me assure you that I’m not going to wag my finger in your face and tell you to hell with feminism and that a woman’s place is in the home. A woman’s place is where she chooses to be – in the home or at work. And let’s face it, neither choice feels optimal, does it?

But there is one thing that stay at home moms don’t have to deal with and that is guilt. Not all guilt, mind you…for some people, guilt is just part of their DNA. I’m talking about the kind of guilt that makes a mama bend the rules some because it’s just easier than enforcing them.

I think I speak for most parents when I say that it would be infinitely easier in the short run to just give the kid what he wants sometimes. And yet that is exactly the wrong thing to do for the long term health and sanity of your home.

In our house, we are as consistent as we possibly can be. My husband and I do not contradict each other’s edicts, and we do back each other up when the wily 3 year old tries to play us off one another. Usually we have her number. The other day, when not getting anywhere with her attempts to stay up late, she said, “but I haven’t seen you all day!”

It was Sunday. She had in fact been with us every moment of the day, save the glorious 2 hours she was napping.

So her plea got her nowhere and off to bed she went.

But what if I had worked all day? I would have felt supremely guilty! Maybe I would have even let her stay up late, who knows, but regardless, she would have seen on my face that she found a weak spot and, given that she’s a child, she would have tested and tested and tested that guilt.

That’s when I knew staying at home was a tad easier. I mean, how do full time working parents do it? I swear I’d be so bad at managing the child rearing with working such hours.

So, my hat is off to you parents who work outside of the home and come home only to have precious few hours with your children, squeezing a day’s worth of attention (both bad and good) in before bedtime.

photo credit: Cia de Foto

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Tagged as: Work Life Balance

  • Ruby T.

    When it was time to go back to work, I just couldn’t. I went from childcare place to place, interviewing in-home caregivers and big daycare centers. I came home in tears every time.

    My husband thought I was being emotional, and I’m sure he was right, but I asked him to come with me next time. He did, and then agreed with me. We had a looooooong talk in the car afterward about how on earth we could possibly afford to let me stay home. We couldn’t really, but we did it anyway. You’re right, the relief I feel is enough for me to give up the vacations and up-to-date wardrobe I’d love to have.

    It’s been worth it, and now I feel I should make waves to go back to work. I am still overcome by the guilt of not being there at the 3:00 school bell, and I am trying to figure out a way around it. The juggling of everything — being Mommy, housework, cooking, AND working full time just seems to be too much for any one person; my hat’s off to any woman who is doing it well!

  • Jenny L

    I tried both ways and i can attest to the fact that moms have a full time job just loving and living, and that working out of the house is nuts. That having been said, i do miss dressing in my suit, sometimes.

  • http://www.evmamas.com valerie

    Why choose? Work from home, set your own hours. Low start up cost.

    http://www.evmamas.com/valerie

    Do something you can believe in!

  • http://revealgreatskin.com Victoria

    I have been home for all 3 of my children and had the good fortune to work from home. I can’t imagine missing out on so many of their mile stones. I think would be torn apart inside to have to leave them. That being said, I know that it isn’t for everyone. Some moms are more effective and better “moms” if they get out of the house to work. We all just have to do what is best for our own families.

  • Shannon

    LOL, I am pregnant for the first time and I am already dreading the 2 months I am going to be off to take care of my new baby. Maybe I just think differently, but I would feel more guilty NOT working and not contributing to the household income. Maybe if my husband made so much, and I made so less that it would end up costing my salary just in day care, I would feel differently, but my income and my husbands are both similar and BOTH are needed. I will just have to alleviate my guilt of not being home everyday by making the most out of the free time I will have with my child.

  • Christine

    Having been on both sides of the fence several years at home with my girls and working full time for several years. Quite frankly, I don’t prefer either. My ideal would be to work part time, and have the kids in daycare part time. That would be my ideal, both of my girls have gone to fabulous daycare centres and are well adjusted socially and advanced academically. I attribute this to the Early Childhood Educators at the daycare that work with my husband and I to help with both our girls development. Unfortunately for me, my husband was severly injured recently and cannot work, thus staying home is not an option. Honestly, I am the main income earner even without the injury and I must work full time. I do feel guilt but when I see my girls progressing and spending quality time with us, I don’t feel tremendous guilt. Some, but not a ton.

  • erin

    wow, I just have to say your post scared me a little for your baby! I have both worked and stayed home and this has nothing to do with money or anything, but how can you be dreading the first 2 months of your first baby’s life before its even born?! yes its hard, tiring etc but also glorious and amazing whether you work every day or stay home forever. Please give your baby a chance to melt your heart and not go into first time motherhood dreading this precious gift. why did you decide to have kids? just wondering : )

  • http://twitter.com/modhomemodbaby kate nicholson

    I love your ideal – work part time out of the home and then have the children the rest of the day. That’s mine, too. I hope I can figure out how to make it happen for me. And I’m sorry your husband was injured – that’s so tough to handle. Good luck!

  • http://twitter.com/modhomemodbaby kate nicholson

    I can totally understand being anxious before the baby comes. Don’t worry, though, you’ll find the reserves you need to be the best mom for your baby. Truly. You will. And you and your husband can find the balance that works best for your family if you’re open and honest with what will make you the happiest mama. Because being a happy mama is being a good mama!

  • http://twitter.com/modhomemodbaby kate nicholson

    Here here Victoria!

  • http://twitter.com/modhomemodbaby kate nicholson

    I totally miss dressing, period! And showering. (just kidding…kinda)

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