The Many Faces of Pregnancy
Pregnancy should come with the warning label; expect the unexpected because that is what will happen. You can read every book they ever wrote on the subject and still not be adequately prepared, because each woman is different and each pregnancy is unique.
Pregnancy brings with it, a lot of unforeseen challenges.
I’m not just talking about your nose spreading, your feet growing, or even the fact that you may be plagued with defcon1 bouts of gas, though those symptoms are certainly unexpected and frightening.
I’m referring to the crazy mood swings of pregnant women. Don’t pretend that you don’t know what I am talking about. I can just as easily ask your husband and I’m sure that he will willingly tell me all of your pregnancy transgressions.
Here were some of my many versions of myself who made an appearance throughout my pregnancies. See if you recognize any of them. I’m betting that you do.
Pee’s a lot Penelope: Two days before she even took the pregnancy test, she was already pissing every 10 minutes. Don’t get in her way, she will surely push you out of her way.
I’m gonna vomit Velma: She wakes up feeling like she’s been asleep at sea. She brushes her teeth and vomits. Commence watery eyes and gagging. Breakfast? No, thank you. Starving. Must eat. Irritable bowel ensues. No appetite. Repeat.
Narcoleptic Nancy: She’s not fancy and she’s so freaking tired that she can pass out in the middle of any conversation, sex, or family activity.
Tapeworm Tabitha: She eats but her hunger is insatiable and nothing quenches it except for carbs. Ding Dongs and pizza are bad, right? Don’t try to come between Tabitha and her carbs or you will surely pull back a nub.
Moody Michelle: She is elated and then deflated in 20 seconds flat. She loves you. She loves you not. You’re the best. Life is beautiful. Head spins! She hates you. She hates you not. Pizza sounds fabulous for dinner! What are you trying to do make her fat? She loves you. She loves you not.
Gotta get my Freak On Felicia: She just can’t get enough sex and naughty dreams about Ryan Gosling and Ryan Reynolds are not helping the situation. Husband wants to watch porn? She’ll do it. Unexpected sexts? Coming his way. Pity that he opened the video she sent of her doing a striptease while his coworkers were so close.
Cry Baby Cathy: What? You think her lasagna needs more garlic? She popped? Are you calling her fat? You hate her don’t you? A gnat just landed on her straw! Waaaaaaahhhhh!
Wigging Out Winona: The baby is coming! I know it’s not for 8 more months but he’s coming all the same. What if I can’t take care of him? What if I’m a bad mom? What if I mess him up? I don’t know how to take care of a circumcision. We need more money and a bigger house. I want my mommy!
Did you experience any of these personalities of pregnancy?
Photo Source: Neil Krug