Did Your Rules Change when You Got a Divorce?

Posted on Feb 17, 2013 by 4 Comments
Did Your Rules Change when You Got a Divorce?

I have always been pretty conservative as a parent. I had rules that I expected the kids to follow and consequences were consistent when an infraction occurred.

When I got a divorce, a lot of things changed in my life – including some of the house rules. There were a lot of reasons for that, but the main one was probably that I relaxed.

For the first time in several decades, I didn’t feel that I wasn’t good enough, or that I had to make sure everything was perfect. I realized that my ex-husband had controlled our family with his anger to the point that even when he wasn’t outwardly angry, the family was subdued.

I also felt that the kids needed protected, secure freedom to deal with their emotions. Although I do not tolerate disrespect,  I don’t get all bent out of shape when they verbally erupt either.

Since I am no longer solely a mom, I don’t really have time to focus on every little thing. Sometimes beds don’t get made, sometimes my kids don’t get their teeth brushed, and sometimes they get away with being snarky. I try to extend to them the same grace that I hope they will extend to me when I am having an off day.

The core rules didn’t change. I expect them to be honest, do their best, and be honorable in all things. The rules that didn’t seem to make a difference anymore, the rules that were created to accommodate their dad, and the rules that were outdated and no longer relevant, all got tossed out on the trash heap.

What about you? Did your rules and standards change when you got a divorce?

photo credit: eyeliam via photopin cc

Posted in: Parenting
Marye Audet

Marye Audet is an author, freelance writer, and editor. As a work at home mom she has a unique perspective that encompasses the overwhelming deadlines and commitments of the professional woman as well as the constantly changing needs of a homeschooling mom with a large family. She is the author of one cook book and the creator of Restless Chipotle Media, a network consisting of two food based blogs, a blog for “women of a certain age”, a video site on Youtube, and upcoming blog on kitchen decor, and downloadable eBooks. Marye also is a freelance writer, editor, and book reviewer.

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  • http://www.befreebies.com/ BeFreebies.com

    This sounds eerily similar to my life. You have mentioned you have 8 kids before, so I know you must have had amazing courage to forge ahead on your own. Big congrats to you. I have also relaxed the strictness we lived under; no more walking on eggshells and living to please someone entirely unpleaseable. I have maintained a friendship of sorts with my children’s dad and he is still involved in our lives… but never in our home. I consider my home now to be an island of tranquility and peace in this world. And the harshest disciplines are saved for only when the kids get physical in their arguments with each other. We won’t be having any of that here. :)

  • http://restlesschipotle.com marye

    :) I was a stay at home mom for 30 years before the divorce. Courageous or crazy? Peace is a lovely thing.

  • Kim

    Not divorce, but I can tell you a LOT of rules changed after Iris left. Some rules relaxed, because it was easier to tell when it was Mommy being paranoid and unreasonable. A few new ones popped up too, because Mommy is being paranoid and terrified. On the whole it seems to work out ok, but I fully expect to have a kid chew me out for waking them up to make sure they`re still breathing someday. Sometimes I think a major life event just causes us to change how we view our lives, and change things accordingly.

  • http://restlesschipotle.com marye

    I think you’re right Kimmy. Major events tend to put things in a different perspective.