Did Your Rules Change when You Got a Divorce?
I have always been pretty conservative as a parent. I had rules that I expected the kids to follow and consequences were consistent when an infraction occurred.
When I got a divorce, a lot of things changed in my life – including some of the house rules. There were a lot of reasons for that, but the main one was probably that I relaxed.
For the first time in several decades, I didn’t feel that I wasn’t good enough, or that I had to make sure everything was perfect. I realized that my ex-husband had controlled our family with his anger to the point that even when he wasn’t outwardly angry, the family was subdued.
I also felt that the kids needed protected, secure freedom to deal with their emotions. Although I do not tolerate disrespect, I don’t get all bent out of shape when they verbally erupt either.
Since I am no longer solely a mom, I don’t really have time to focus on every little thing. Sometimes beds don’t get made, sometimes my kids don’t get their teeth brushed, and sometimes they get away with being snarky. I try to extend to them the same grace that I hope they will extend to me when I am having an off day.
The core rules didn’t change. I expect them to be honest, do their best, and be honorable in all things. The rules that didn’t seem to make a difference anymore, the rules that were created to accommodate their dad, and the rules that were outdated and no longer relevant, all got tossed out on the trash heap.
What about you? Did your rules and standards change when you got a divorce?