I’ve hit another milestone in motherhood and, for reasons that are beyond me, I’m telling you about it. My breastfeeding posts are over, I’ve weaned the wee one and my body is settling back into itself. You can guess where I’m going with this: I just got my period.
It’s a funny thing, a woman’s period…bleeding, discharge, menses, menstrual cycle, monthlies, one’s friend, that time, the curse, time of the month. A woman’s monthly state. So many names. I’ve never been one to nickname my period, have you?
Anyway, not having to deal with one for the last 2 years, I forgot how much of a pain it can be. Take, for instance, waking up in the morning to the surprise sensation that your undies are wet. Hmmm…what could this be? Did I lose control of my bladder during the night?
That’s how long it has been. Or how sleep deprived I am. Or a sad comment on how much my body has changed that my first thought would be that my body isn’t functioning properly when, in fact, it is functioning exactly how it’s supposed to.
Oddly, I’m a little conflicted about having my body begin to get back to normal. As much as breastfeeding gets one’s system out of whack, it’s a sweet feeling to know that your body is supporting another human being. To know that you alone can comfort you screaming baby like no one else…I mean, if you were a baby what would you prefer? To scream or to suck? I’m pretty certain most bundles of baby chub would opt to suckle at the breast than scream, no matter how hungry or tired they are.
At least that’s my baby. Now, all that’s over. I feel a little empty inside, really.
Maybe it’s all just psychological, but that’s like saying that you’re just hormonal when you are crying ridiculously hard at a Hallmark card commercial – you know the ones with the little kids in the field, running with a balloon? It may be all in your head, but it feels real so it must be real. Knowing the reason doesn’t always help me.
So, while it’s slightly comforting to know that my body is readjusting itself yet again back into the body I remember before it got all stretched out with having children, I’m sad.
And yet, I feel like my temperament is evening out some…that hormones are no longer at the wheel, racing all over town and biting other people’s heads off willy nilly. That I’m more me and the temperamental bitch who took up residence for the past few months is packing her bags. I think everyone is happy about that!
And a new reality is sinking in…birth control.
GOD. Birth control. Yes. That.
To be fair, a breast feeding woman should be thinking about birth control just like any other woman, but being so sleep deprived and exhausted all the time seemed to negate any need for birth control…another sad statement that I never thought I’d make.
So there you have it…today is the first day of returning to my pre-breastfeeding state.
Of course, another reality is slowly sinking in…if my body is my own again, then bring on the wine! And coffee! Whoo hooo!
photo credit: ellyjonez