25 Things You Never Expected to Say

No matter how well educated you are or what your vocabulary level is, there are phrases that you will find yourself saying that you could not imagine even thinking prior to becoming a parent. See if you identify with any of these.

1. Don’t pee in your sister’s diaper – no, I don’t care if someone was in the bathroom.
2. Yes, cats do land on their feet – usually. But they don’t like being dropped from the top of your bunk bed.
3. I know you are doing something you shouldn’t be up there. It’s too quiet.
4. No, I cannot exchange your new baby brother for a Transformer.
5. Don’t wash mommy’s cell phone in the toilet ever again.
6. I know the dog drinks from the toilet but people don’t do that. Next time use the kitchen sink.
7. Is the finger still attached? Can you see bone? O.k. Just put a bandage on it. I‘ll be home soon.
8. Please do not wiggle your fingers at me under the bathroom door.
9. Yes, I did go poop in the potty. No I do not want an M & M as a reward.
10. She ate what? What did it look like? Phew, those aren’t the poisonous kind.
11. He stuffed his peas where?
12. Don’t use your brother’s toothbrush to clean the gunk around the sink.
13. Stop breathing his air. I mean it. Breathe your own air.
14. Sit on your hands until we get home. When? Six hours.
15. Don’t ever chew gum you found under your chair again.
16. Use a sturdier box when you slide down the stairs – someone could get hurt.
17. Do not chase your sister with a booger.
18. Wipe your nose – no not on the back of my shirt!
19. Stop driving the cars over your brother when he is sleeping.
20. How did you get orange soda on the ceiling? Why was it in the squirt gun?
21. Yes, it is amazing that you can pee on the door when you are standing in the bathtub. Don’t do it again.
22. No, I am not going to have puppies. I don’t care how hard you prayed.
23. No, this isn’t a daycare – they really are all mine. Yes, by the same dad. Yes, I do watch television regularly.
24. We do not take the umbrella into the shower.
25. Get your armpit out of your sister’s face, right now.

So, what are the weirdest things you have ever said since being a parent?

photo credit: FreeLearningLife

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Tagged as: Children, humor, Parenting, stuff parents say